I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
