Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
