the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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