Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
