I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
