Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
