i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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