she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
