He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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