just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
