Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
