woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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