I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
