At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
