i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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