whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
