thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
