Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
