So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
