the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
