I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
don't judge my taste in strippers
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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