well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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