her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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