He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
