I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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