she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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