I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
