I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
