Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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