I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
