I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
