i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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