what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
