so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
