bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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