I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
