life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
