i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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