Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What drink are we having for lunch?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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