Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
