You're completely useless in the revolution.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
