They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
