i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
