I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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