I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
