I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
