do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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