i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
