Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
