help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize