I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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