There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
