THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
