I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
