I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
