So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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