If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
