Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
