I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize