Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
