it's like iHOP with fire
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
