remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
