Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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