there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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