do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
