I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
