WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
