ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
